My Guide to Surviving Sickness

The last few days I've felt like someone injected play dough up my sinus cavity. Then it will suddenly decide to transform from dough to wd-40 at random times (and by random I mean when I am talking to someone). It can feel impossible to survive the flu or common cold with any sense of optimism, but I've always been known for having a great attitude while being sick.
Here is my guide to surviving sickness:

Rule #1: Whenever someone wants to take a picture of you an you don't feel like it, just roll your eyes up and to the left. Add more to the effect by gaping your mouth wide open (an essential technique for proper breathing while thinking really hard). This is important because if anyone looks at the picture years later they will immediately know that you were clearly sick and not looking your normal handsome self. It also sends a clear message to the photographer that you are not in the best mood for picture taking.





Rule #2: When you were a child you ran careless and free in the most comfortable clothes you have. Nobody was judgmental about fashion sense because when you are four years old nobody cares. As an adult you have the unique opportunity to resume this careless approach in your dress without being laughed at. I highly recommend gym shorts without pockets and a t-shirt with stains and/or rips. The lack of pockets prevents you from carrying such things as wallets and keys and thereby keeps you from doing something stupid like going shopping.










Rule #3: Always make sure you choose the correct medicine for the symptoms you have. This step is absolutely critical! A wrong choice here can double your condition from spraying out of one end to spraying out of ends you didn't know you had.










Rule #4: If your head feels feverish and you feel gross and grubby. Shave all your hair off. This is especially important for women. If you stop for a second and think about it, if you haven't cut your hair in the last nine years then you have stuff on your head that's been around since Nickelback had the number one hit song! That's just gross.








Rule #5: Do something productive! I don't want to brag here, but while being sick with the worst of colds I've still managed to slay dragons, win the Super Bowl, and prevent eminent nuclear world war! Don't be lazy. Just because you don't feel good doesn't mean you can't get stuff done.









Those are my top five rules to staying positive while sick. With the cold and flu season just getting started I hope you all found something useful from this guide. Do you have any rules that you follow? I'd love to hear what you do!